A Love Song to My MigrainesPosted: April 2, 2012
This has been a very bizarre day with regards to my blog. I’ve been averaging 10-15 page hits a day – a perfectly reasonable number, given that I started posting two weeks ago. Then last night, the Internet discovered my post on Haley Reinhart, and my page hits exploded. I’m up to 212 right now. TWO HUNDRED AND TWELVE.
I’m a bit dizzied by the whole thing, but it’s absolutely lovely. Haley Reinhart fans – we are rabid! Uh, I meant dedicated!
I’m mostly just trying to enjoy the ride while it lasts – I know once the flood disappears, I’ll be back to my usual 10-15 hits a day. After all, this blog is mostly driven by literature and genre fiction/movies/TV – there won’t be much American Idol coverage. So the Haley phenomenon is my giant blip on the radar screen (and a wonderful blip it is). But in the spirit of challenging myself, I’ve decided that whatever record I set today will be used as a goal to strive towards for the rest of the year. (how I’ll ever get back up to 212 is beyond me, but it’s good motivation).
And if you’re a Haley Reinhart fan who found your way here – thank you so much for reading! I’m really grateful that the post is finding a wider audience, especially since I spent hours on that writeup, and I never thought anyone would read it!
Anyways, given the, er, bizarre circumstances, I’ve decided to have a day off from covering all things culture, and publish…
Something very, very, VERY vaguely related to American Idol. You see, since I’ve started following the show, I’ve discovered a medley of new songs, including Celine Dion’s “All by Myself” and Heart’s “Alone.” Somehow, those got caught up in the vortex that is my brain, and transformed into…
A love song to my migraines.
The tales I could tell about my migraines, dear friends, would make you clutch at your Excedrin bottles in sympathy.
Case in point:
Last week I knew I would be spending two long days on campus, with little access to food. Food is crucial to keeping me from getting migraines – if I skip a meal, my chances of getting a migraine are even greater than my changes of finding a crazy wife in a Victorian novel.
Of course, I’m in denial, so on day #1, I proceed to forget lunch, skip my snack, and avoid drinking fluids like the plague. By the time I get home, I haven’t eaten in twelve hours.
I make dinner, convinced that once sugar hits my bloodstream, the migraine will hit.
Nothing. My brain is clear and pain-free. I am most gratified.
Impressed, but not wanting to press my luck, the next day I am rigorous about my food-intake. I eat breakfast. I eat lunch. I eat a snack. I make sure I eat a decent dinner. I steal my friends’ food. I avoid carbohydrates (big migraine triggers for me). I even drink coffee, which is the equivalent of a pre-emptive strike against migraines.
By the time I get home, my head hurts so badly that I’ve got spots in front of my eyes. Every flash of light sends pain driving into my skull. I curl up in bed, and wait to die.
Well played, universe. Well played.
Since my brilliant strategies for managing my migraines no longer work, and since my migraine pills are now completely useless (the world hates me) – I have decided to resort to truly desperate measures.
I have written a song so terrible, so catastrophic, that it ought to scare off even the worst migraine. Unfortunately, my strident, off-key singing and terrifying lyrics may well make my migraines work, but I have nothing left to lose.
(with apologies to Hearts’ “Alone” and Celine Dione’s “All by Myself”)
“A Song to My Migraine”
“I feel the pounding of my blood against my temple
I’m lying here, the room’s pitch dark
I wonder if I can live without my right occipital lobe
No surgeons on my telephone
And the Tylenol works so very slow
I hope that I’ll end up, though, ALONE
Till now, I always got by on my own,
I never really cared until I met you
But now it chills me to the bone
Why won’t you leave me alone?
When I was young
My mind was free from pounding migraines
And taking Tylenol was just for fun
Those days are gone
All by myself
I wanna live…
All by MYSELF
Oh can’t you see – I want to be, I want you to be – Free (of migraines)
(Couldn’t resist the Haley Reinhart reference.)
**(By the way, for those of you who are here for the cultural coverage, I’ll be back with reviews of David Cronenberg’s A Dangerous Method and Pamela Dean’s Tam Lin later in the week)